Skater A Exposed & Ramp Jam report.

Like biker wannabe's with their Harley t-shirts, theirs alot of dudes out there sporting Skull Skates hoodies and Independant hats and vests of patches that I never see at the local skateboarding park. Posers. This little rip is about a dude who doesn’t just pose but rides woods too.
This dude shall be referred to as "skater A". We shall withhold his name to protect the innocent from the shame. The innocent are his wife and family. Skater A is a stand up kook that would get in his truck at 3:00 am and rescue you from some bad situation like the police are at your door and you’re out of amo or you just need a litre of milk. He's a hard workin fellow at his job and home. He loves his family, his country and his team. But most of all he loves to skate. As the rain falls Skater A built a three foot high half-pipe in his two bay carport and made the wife park her Jag outside. The ramp's outer decor is a kosy popery of beach logs, tiki torches, Hi-Fi stereo for dancing and a woodstove for fires. Skater A is white so sometimes when he's having a hard time getting the woodstove going a few of us partial breeds or even the odd full breed FN will get the thing going for him. Don't get me wrong he is proud of his white heritage and believes in unity and peace of all peoples... even if you are a fuckin nazi. Anyway, his little ramp has become the hotspot for mid-week evening sessions. These sessions attract skaters of all ages, style and gender. Gender... the first glance of skater A you might question it. He's trim yes, but sometimes when things get really pumping in the half-pipe he removes his shirt to sport the smoothest pierced breasts and heart tattoos that make you wonder what gender he actually is. Still the hot spot attracts the folks for these heated sessions, basically because it’s probably the only covered skate ramp in Vic during this rainy season.
So now the story begins, the announcement called for an evening of top dog Teem Shitty steaks in the barby and a yard full of the dirtiest skateboarders in the city. For some reason the other skate teams that frequent the ramp didn’t show, what gives HTO and Coastline crews… yous to good for skater A’s birthday? Yes it was skater A’s 30th birthday and dang thar was a good birthday session. The fridge was full of cans of that shit our government sells to drink and some of the pockets where full of that shit the hippies and presidents used to smoke. I was partaking in none of that garbage so I dug deep in the fridge and found a Full-Throttle viagra drink . The babaque was smoking and the meat was being consumed just like a scene in the caveman movie Quest for Fire. It was good to see a few mainlanders and even a San Francisco import showed up for this birthday shoot-out booze up.
The absolute music was playing and the spurts of sessions had begun on the half-pipe. The first shoot-out on the ramp was the women’s category. The first to drop in was Blind Marc, his first run landed him a slashin backside grind on the coping to a mild backside switchblade to barrel roll onto the flat and yes the guy is blind! Next up is Beardoooo, now lately this doode is winning hands down on this half-pipe, giving it a taste of old school. Boneless, grabbed airs, five-ohs, and lean to tails. His run is tasty. I barge in and drop in feeling my gut full of Full-Throttle work. I show these freaks a thing or two about grinds, and grind a pound off my gut with sweat ending my run in a bad invert attempt that looks like I’m break dancing. Master fancy-foot Lief drops in for a flawless run of kik flips and ollies and floaty airs that leave you looking for his wings. “Who cares tattoo”, snakes in for his run of bulky yet smooth 50-50s and rocks that don’t hang up but should. Muddy also takes his share grinds and five-ohs. Freestyle chose to sit this grudge match out and for he had nothing to prove with his Banderez hair-do. A hand full of other locos like Jerk Warren and Binjun took runs of equal aggression. All the kooks finished their runs and now the birthday boy slipped in for his turn. The crowd parted as skater A raised his arms and began his dance on his ramp. He was busting tricks that no one had ever seen before. A Dawson Creek, a whipshank, some doo-kicks and again a swack of panty-ohs and when his run was finished the crowd really didn’t give a shit. The judges continued to drink and the women’s shoot-out was over, no winners where had this evening. The dust was settling when all of a sudden there was a horrible fire. It was “who cares tattoo” and his leg warmers where a blaze with the soft sent of leg hair filling the air. No-body was sure how this horrible thing happened and some suspect arson but only our Captain knows for sure. The clock struck twelve bells and I loaded the van up with a handful of the oldest loaded JaKs, half of them asleep, the other half mumbling various dialects, and we headed back to our homeland. Skater A was left in the sea of cans and just as we crested the hill the coppers paddy wagon came to clean up the rest of the shin dig! Skater A celebrated in true….. ahhh teenage fashion. Happy 30th birthday bro. Blind Marc will also be 30 this year so line up girls!

Stay tuned next issue when I expose “Skater B” -ricky jak

Tegan & Sara at the McFearson theater. Feb 3 2004

What the hell was i doin at something like this??? An old scumbag punk like myself landed two tickets to this show and i knew nothing about this music. A twinkle in my wifes eye said get a babysitter and lets go check this theater event out.... it'll be fun.

Well ifn i was a few years younger i might have noticed the large crowd of beutiful women that was at this show... but i didnt. It made me wonder if this was maybe a lesbien show.... No... it was a alt-folk/pop concert man, a pop concert! Tegan & Sara- The livevic website totes them as alt-folk. O.K. These twin girls hail from Calgary and have a handfull of music under thier belts to show. 4-5 CDs worth. The merch lady says theys gettin good radio play too.

So now we have a venue like the McFearson.(sp) with a sitting only situation. Yikes.... music is for dancin ain't it? The crowd was well behaved and i smelled no stinky smoke or saw anyone being bounced out for being too drunk. Infact nearly everyone stayed in thier seats and just enjoyed the music. The big headed guy sitting in front of me never moved once the whole show... i wanted to smack him to see if he was alive.

The first band was a three piece called Lindy. Acoustic guitar ridden vocals leading into full finished endings kikin in with a red headed bass player and drummer. The lights really added emo to this band and one time i'm sure the bass player and drummer where whoooed to tears in the blue light as the front man sang his song. This was nice music and the singer is from Victoria. I think of acoustic guitars mostly being played in front of liquor stores..... so if Lindy was playing infront of a liquor store it would be a more classy one like the one in Oak Bay. They were good. (remeber i'm just an old punk eh)

The crowd started screaming and cheering as the Tegan & Sara band took to the stage. Whew these are good lookin sisters and thier music is as equally good sounding. There is a sea of girl bands out there but for some reason these girls had a little something to make them be noticed a bit more. Face it ....this was a sell-out show so they must be doing something wright musically. I did enjoy them and thier between song banter did make me laugh a little. It was good and they played to a more than satisfied crowd that cheered so loud inbetween songs that i had to plug my ears. This is just the start of thier tour and i'm sure they will have a bigger fan base when the tour is over.

In closing i will be returning to my safe dancefloor this weekend when the Dayglo Abortions take to the stage and dancing isn't governed by people with mics in their ears. Alt-folk/pop is good but sometimes anarcy is better.

-ricky jak

Black Mountain CD.

The back of the CD insert says thanks to members of the Black Mountain Army.

Whew, “Modern Music”? I have given this CD several listens and although there are a few moments of stillness the moments are broken by eeiry tribal vocals complimented with heavy driven riffs like “Don't Run Our Hearts Around”. Then you can find yourself strutting down a busy city street watching internal cumbustion engines puff smoke into your lungs during the song “Druganaut”. Traffic speeds up and you sit on the curb thinking about getting “No Satisfaction”. The sun sets and you walk by a dark alley as Steve sings "lord won't you let us free." The night club you walk by is playing “No Hits”. Amber sings “Heart of Snow” and brings us back to a quieter avenue where the trees are dark and the streetlights are dim. The apartment door opens and you take the long staircaise up to your room as the CD finishes with “Faulty Times”.

This music won't be for everyone but I found it left a spot inside my head. If you were to label it you would lean toward some heavy progressive rock. As Black Mountain toured they filled venues to the maximum and the Army grows. If you see this CD you might want to try it!

-ricky jak

Big John Bates Voo-Doo Dolls with Switchblade Valentine @ Lucky bar Jan 14

Humph.... Well it was a full house of greasey guys with tattoos.... scarey for an innocent bystander like myself. Still, Ben was serving beer and highballs in GLASSES.... yes GLASSES.... not plastic cups like at the punk rock shows he puts on.... so even though you tattooed greaseballs look mean they were all gentlemen and no glasses were thrown. A ugly swab of freshly URGE tattooed guys from Vancouver showed to support Mr Bates and maybe pick-up a few car parts from the WAY BACK GARAGE as well as pick-up a few of the local women. It was nice to chat with the owner of BEALE KUSTOMS in Vancouver..it's another fine place to get your old school auto restorations done. Whew... hows that for shameless advertising!

The first band was The Switchblade Valoontines who are probably Victorias only greaser rock-a-billy band and they do a damb fine job. The drummer ripps and really looked like he was enjoying the music he was playing, the singer belted out the songs going from emotional to country to rockin... The stand-up bass player slapped it just fine but did anyone check his ID at the door? Its nice to see a Rock-a-billy band based in this town.

The Big John Bates band came on stage and executed a Big John Bates style set of billy,surf,soft cell,ac/dc, set of toe tappin music. The Hugh Hefner ciggarette smokin drummer played the with a flat drum style that was quite unique to watch. The stand-up bass playin good lookin lady was smiling the whole time... still more proof that if you like the music your playin "Smile". Then about the third song into the set the Voo-Doo Dolls came out and danced to Johns music... Hey did anyone ID these girls at the door. Anyway they were good at the TEASE and even though they where a little young for my taste they was very pretty. It was fun and all in all i had a good evening with good music.

I recon it's safe to searve drinks in glasses at rock-a-billy shows when the music is good and the tattooed greasballs are wimps..... man am i ever gonna get it the next time i go to one of these shows -eh! RULE 62 bros.... ha ha ha

- ricky jak

3 Inches of Blood. Oct 15 lucky bar. 2004

It had been a week of the tune Kill the Orcs and Balls of Ice playing in my head. I got in my van and the heavy sounds of Pentagram blast from the cd player. Arriving downtown i walk alone to the Lucky bar. Tonight 3 inches of Blood return to Victoria..... they claim they were hatched here but most of disfigureation germinated in East Van. If your a metal fan of the likes of King Diamond/Iron Maiden you must see 3 inches of Blood before you die.
The Luky bar is dark and i drag my old lonesome body to the bar and order the key to life...... a fuckin bottle of....water. The first band takes to the stage and i wander over to my usual spot to see if i can feel the music.
The band is called Removal and they are from Vancouver. A three piece that worked out the beats with no vocals. They were weird but good. Heavy yet jazzish..... maybe a little alternative??? I don't know... alls i can say is "The dogs were puppin it" wich is an old Greg Gin SST punk release from the 80's. This band worked thier instruments hard and i think thier music would make great roadtrip music... They were worth seein.
The time dragged and then all of a sudden 3 IOB took to the stage with a flurry of metal and screams. The room was pulsing to the sound and the audience was standing room only... and if you were brave enough to do a little dancin the front was a thrash of people. The music was greta and some songs of their CD were played. But they have a new CD out in a few days and so a brash of unheard 3IOB was played,,,, sounded good but was unfarmiliar territory. Then one of the singers announced the two new guitarists were very fresh and untrained in the execution of some of the songs.... Then it was over... The crowd was yellin for it... and i wanted to hear it.... "Balls Of Ice!!!" but it was over. Balls of Ice is a classic metal song and years ago when i saw 3IOB this song was sung by the crowd. I shuffled out of the Lucky into the street of beutiful people feeling like i did in 1984 when Deep Purple played the PNE without playing "Smoke on the Water". But i still stand strong on ifs yous a metal fan you need to see 3 INCES OF BLOOD!! They do rock!

Back in my van Pentagram comes back on the CD player and i sit in awe listening to yet another power of metal!!

-ricky jak

BLACK MOUNTAIN Frog Eyes Lucky Bar Apr 23 2004
PORG ROCK....... I am a member of the Black Mountain Army but have never been able to define thier sound but now I recon this band has to be defined as Prog Rock!

It was another absolutely sold out show for Black Mountain at the Lucky Bar. The street infront of the bar was loaded with the strange Black Mountain Army..... nerds, university radio music fans, old hippies, art folks...... and even young guys with beards ball caps and tight sweaters! This is the Army and they have been filling clubs and bars as Black Mountain finish up a 37 show North American tour in 42 days! Thats one hell of a tour.... Steve Mcbean guitarist and vocalist for BM tells me even actress Christina Ricci was at thier LA show. Yes the girl from the Adams Family is a member of the Army.

I found my old friends loitering in the streets and not really fitting in with the above mentioned crowd. It was good to see old John London who now drums for Budokan but was also ranting about his short term with Sarah McGlaghklin.... those who don't know John is probably one of the heaviest drummers in Victoria history, can you say MOC? The really ugly singer for local punk act "Three All Campaigne" was also smokin darts and lookin for a toss outside this show. Even the hardcore king Tony Galuza was hangin outside pimpin them hos and lookin to shalac his cane..... at least that's what he said. Wood pusher masters Alex M and Jamer where even zippin around. I was at home in this crowd of old street punks and we tryed our best to fit in with this young crowd of Black Mountain Army.

Tolan McNiel from Queensryche was entering the bar and shook my hand and told me he would be playing some slide guitar with the opening act Frog Eyes. I missed the first act because of my loitering outside but from outside the band Book of Lists sounded kinda like a skipping CD.... they did a great job of this sound from what i could hear.... It was time for us to enter the crowded one lane bowling alley they call Lucky bar as Frog Eyes took to the stage. Crazy crowded swaying alternative screamin sort of country music. The audience enjoyed themselves but i found myself a comfy spot with the ugly guy where we planned to give the next bearded sweater dude the middle finger and see what would develope. After a few too many tonics it was time to wrestle a position close to the stage for the blast of power only know as Black Mountain. I had spent a good duration with thier CD so i was ready to hear the songs ,as they say in the Motorhead world,....... "Live and Loud" If your a heavy music fan you must see Black Mountain at least once. This band gives me the sensation that i encountered when i saw the Melvins live at Harpos back in the eighties. Hold on here comes another wave of swaying, stomping and chanting songs that makes the crowd squeeze together in a burst of satisfaction... The volume was loud and the show was sweaty. Hey MAN your standing on my foot. -ricky jak

Budokon, Removal, and No Means No @ Sugar, friday Feb 17
The Zone radio station always advertises upcoming shows... but did I hear anything about the NMN show? NO!! Needless to say I swangled a ticket down at Richards Records for a measly price of $15. Now basically I haven't frequented the NMN shows that come to town every year for quite awhile. The only NMN record I ever bought was a 7" with a song about Wormies.... it sucked so I really have never purchased any more of thier music. I know most of you are thinking "MORON!"
Now here it is in the 2006 and the two Wright Brothers and another guy named Tom, (I think he was the singer for Pat Bay and the Malahats back in the eighties) are still slappin out the NMN tunes. So down to the Sugar nightclub I go for an evening of fun. The line-up at the door was a ticket only deal. No ticket no go. Many where walking away..... SOLD OUT! So basically mainstream radio that doesn't support underground music doesn't have to! This show is SOLD OUT!
I got a good rub down by the security guy at the door ... I'm married and haven't been touched like that for quite awhile, so I just closed my eyes and imagined it wasn't a big ugly skinhead dude friskin me, but a chip or dale. I arrived in the Sugar to find out I had missed Budokon. Members of Budokon are somewhat historical in the Victoria music scene with Andrew Maloy from BUM, Kent State from the Astro Zombies, and the ever amazing Jonnnlondon from Mission of Christ. So you would figure this trio would snap a few necks but the general populas gave me a so/so review about this band. Next up was the band Removal. Removal are kinda like seeing a version of NoMeansNo backing up NMN. Removal utilize no vocals and just grind out the repetative talented riffs. I have to say I just don't like this band although the audience felt otherwise and danced the flood wet.
I took this boring time to hone in on some of my poor socializing skills. I cornered a young lesbein and barraged her with punk trivia. She was stumped on alot of my mindless questions about the SexPistols, Clash , and Edgar Winter.... she kept trying to answer the questions with the names of newer bands I knew nothing about. "NOFX, Pennywise, Blink 182, and Rancid" Who the hell are they? Anyway I figured I better leave this young lesbien before she started to beat me up. Up to the bar I strolled and payed $4 for a glass of ice and two sips of Coca Cola. Man thats big for no booze.... so I decided to practice my pitching arm with the ice in the glass. I climed up to the upper balcony and started snipeing ice at folks in the audience. What fun. I ran out of ice and a Dizzy girl pulled a sheet of paper out of her purse and we started fireing spitballs with the straws that the bar supplies with the drinks. Even more fun, and we laughed our tits off! This is also an excellent time to practice your poker face.
Time had come and NMN came onto the stage. This band has been belting it out for over twenty five years now. They are originally from Victoria, but have spent most of thier carreer based in Vancouver. They have over 15 albums of music. They sell-out shows in Europe..... "You wanted the best? You Got IT..... NoMeansNO!" Rob took to slappin that bass, John started beatin those drums and Tom Holliston chicked away. The dancefloor compressed to maximum capacity and the dancing began. There was even people dancing full force on the upper dance floor. Holy Shyte! Two hours of new and a good splatter of old and it still wasn't enough. A few encores and they closed the night with the extended dance version of "Oh No Bruno" What a great band, I hope they continue to play well into thier 80's just like the Daygloos. If you haven't ever seen No Means No I suggest you see them next time... this Sold Out Sugar Nightclub can't be Wrong!
-Whitney Houston

Earthride "Vampire Circus" 2006
Earthride strip down the machine, detune it and remove the muffler for a pure straight pipe sound of carbon monoxide poisoning doom. It's the kind of slow heavy riffed metal that isn't to noisey yet leaves you in a trans. Throw in a little church organ and your dead. The vocalist "Sherman" was obviously the result of Lemmy and Macho Man Randy Savage breeding.... some serious heavy voice. A sample track is availiable on thier website but it will just make you hunger for the rest. It's not the kind of CD I would suggest to my mom but I just can't get it out of my walkman, i might need an intervention. Every time I finish listening to this CD I have a slight cold sweat covering my body.... if that tells you anything. -ricky jak

Subculture book submission from 1999 (rejected)
I recon this alternative punk music phenomanom went on in every town word-wide. Of coarse I have to assume the roots of this whole thing started in New York… was it the Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges, or the Dead Boys??? Lets face it, probably the first punk that the world documented was Elvis. Kids were looking for energy and change from what the mainstream told them to do and listen to… yeah that’s what I’m trying to say!!
My name is Ricky, and this is my story of what happened to me as a youngster and where I am now. The compilers of this book asked me to write a little something in regards to punk rock and the punk subculture scene. I was quick to tell them anything I have in my head is old and probably irrelevant to what it’s all about today… still punk is a part of my life and I have to say that’s what I am… a poser! The real story of punk can be read about in many other coffee table books…. Written by real posers!
I work in a repair shop and I happened to notice the three styles of men as we sat around at coffee break. Bill, who’s the oldest, has slicked back hair and talks about his glory days in the 50’s where he raced car’s and listened to rock-n-roll and country. Wynn, a man of the 70’s, still has a perm type hairdo and whares a gold chain around his neck. Wynn often rants about his favorite music by the Tom Jones and Peter Frampton. Then there is me, a product of the late 70’s early 80’s, who has a shaved head and babbles about seeing great bands like Black Flag or the Dead Kennedys… when I was a kid eh!!!
You’ll notice I don’t work with any hippies… Remember the Sex Pistols used to say “Never Trust a Hippie!”. Isn’t it funny how some of them run our government now…. But they say they never inhailed! We are products of our youth, and although a most of us grow up and become part of the big picture, some of us keep our style, or lack of!

I find myself wondering what my attraction to the punk rock movement of the early 1980's was all about. Back when i was14 i wandered into an all ages punk show to find a group of kids who were bored with themusic that the radio was telling us to listen to. It was an agressive musicand it somehow made me aware that it was all right to say FU#K YOU. This was something i had desperatly wanted to tell my stepfather since the day hestarted to twist me into the quiet and confused kid i was. Phycologically this might have had something to do with my attraction but on the other side of the coin it was just plain FUN!! The music was new and raw, or was it a rehash of what the true spirit of Rock-n-Roll was all about . It seemed to be structured for the greasy dirtykids of the lower class areas, not like the rich kid sell out punk we heartoday. None the less the energy that was exhibited on the dancefloor was thebest release i had expierenced since my first bottle of alcohol at the ageof 12. I remember the band called the Twisted Minds taking to the stage anddoing their best British imitation played songs by The Clash, Pistols, andthe Ramones. My friend smiled at me and the next thing i knew i was feelingthe power of this music on the dancefloor. My legs were stomping around asfast as the music was playing and my arms were wailing around like a birdjust released from his cage. We were slamdancing wile others on theoutskirts pogoed. The next song started and i found myself bumping into myfriends at uncontrollable speed, in a blink of an eye i found myself shovedoff my feet and sliding across the floor, only to be quickly picked up andheaved back into the maylay of kids. More dancing, an elbow to the nose, andafter four or five songs i was sitting off to the side wiping the sweat offmy forehead and trying to breath at a somewhat normal pace again. WOW thiswas fun!! The next band was House of Commons and the dancefloor filled upwith older leather jacketed, heavy duty punks who were chanting HOC HOC.this was one powerfull band and the sight of them scared me. The last bandto play was the Subhumans and the lead singer "Wimpy Roy" came on stage andimmediatlly started trying to kick everyone in the front of the stage withhis workboots. The audience heckled and gobbed on him as he sang his songsof protest and whoa... The Subhumans closed thier show with the song "We don't care what you say FU#K YOU!!" The audience pushed forwrd singing alongand a sea of middle fingers raised in time to the lyrics... We rushed to the streets to catch the last bus home. My vinyl fake leatherk-mart jacket was ripped and the Canadian flag i had safetypinned onto theback was long gone, and my body ached, My friends and i had the best eveningof our lives... this was PUNK ROCK and it was great!! The bus drove away buti could not hear it, just the ringing of my damaged ear drums. Fun
Ricky in the crowd in 1982- bottom right corner… you can tell because I just finished picking my nose. (with both hands)
It all started with a KISS album my dad had…. Strange yes but I think it was 1976-77 ish and on a rare weekend visit to my dad’s I found a Columbia house record box with KISS Alive album in it, this band became my first passion to somewhat non AM radio music. I was riveted to that album and listened to it millions of times. I was a goofy little kid with a bad passion for KISS. One time I purchased a magazine with KISS on the cover and and inside that magazine was a large article on the new sounds of PUNK! I also remember this magazine had a very sexy picture of Debra Harry… this picture took place of the Gene Simmons tongue picture that was stapled on the wall by my bed… Thus, I had begun a somewhat normal fantasy life.
Back to this first PUNK expierence, this article had all these great pics of bands like The Ramones, Blondie, Dead Boys, and the Talking Heads. There was also info on what was happening over in the old country, Sex Pistols, the Clash, Sioxie and the Banshees, Gen X, the Jam, and the Specials. My Mom also used to buy me Skateboarder magazine and i noticed this mag was starting to cover some of the punk scene ands not so much Van Halen and Ted Nugent. This new music had to be reaserched! A little hunting in some of the Record stores, I spent my hard earned paper route money on a couple of new LP’s. Never mind The Sexpistols heres the Buzzcocks and the lets not forget DeVOLution. My cheap turntable was just a pumping out the sounds New Wave and Punk. I had found an alternative to this overplayed AM radio shyyyte! It was great and me and my friends met other alternative music enthusiasts (mostly the Reynold crew) and shared this new exciting music. We used to tape our records and trade these tapes with each other… kinda funny how what we were doing years ago was what Napster was all about! Yes this was a great way to hear music and what an explosion of music it was.

HARDCORE 81….. DOA
My opinion is only my opinion, but in the short time I spent on the internet searching Hardcore punk rock I was quickly discugsted with what I saw and heard! I am talking about the music stuff, not the porn stuff!! I was hoping to find some sort of description of this offshoot of punk rock. What I found was a bunch of rich kids playing some sort of generic music that contained no energy for me.. remember this is only my opinion, and it ain’t worth shit… So I’m not even going to try to describe what Hardcore is today.
In about 1982 I purchased a record by a band called D.O.A., this record was called Hardcore 81. What a fuckin great album and if you don’t own a copie you better get it! Or I could tape it for ya… What energy! What power! It’s real! This is Hardcore!!!
As I stood in the crowd watching this amazing band, watching Joey Shithead belt out his cow face vocals and buzz saw guitars, Randy Rampage with his tattoos and amazing rock star stances and bass playing jumps, and the unbelievable Chuck Biscuits on drums…. Chuck went on to play with all the top bands of this genre, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Danzig, and social Distortion, and this is because he is the TOP drummer!!! Seeing Chuck drum is something everyone should do before they die, I do mean everyone- including your grandmum! Enough of the praise… and back to the show. D.O.A strummed the first cords to the song “Fucked up Baby” and my body was uncontrollably flying around the dancefloor!
The speed of the music was what was different from the usual punk music. It was fast, it was energy… and I feel it opened a few doors for millions of young punks across the country. In my home town there was a band called the NEOS. These guys decided they had a bunch of energy and a few ideas on some of the worlds wrong doings. They picked up some instruments and wrote some songs and played some live shows with other… shall we say more talented bands. They were always the first band on and played with all their intense hearts. They found a 4-track recording machine and recorded a bunch of their songs. They were incredible and the average length of their songs was about 30 seconds to a minuite. This super-fast style of punk rock was what was called hardcore. (written 1999 Ricky)

Simon Snotface Prisoner of Evil

A car rolled past my house and out the window yelled Simon Snotface. He was over visiting Victoria and promoting his new book. I said I would buy a copy and he dug into his little purse and produces a soggy copy of Prisoner of Evil. I stole some money from my wife and paid Simon. As he drove away he yelled out to me "You never saw me! I wasn't here, and I don't exist!"

I settled down on my porch and dug into Simons book.... I was surprised at the vocabulary used and at times I reckoned I better get a dictionary to find out what some of the words are. It's a rich story of such descriptive smells you almost gag. Sci- fi fantasy, another planet, creatures and maybe some D&D plus lots of excrement is what this book is made of. The story follows the travels of Akon, a character who is an out and out back stabber. He gets captured by a Gub named Gaflok and taken to a city of shit as well as a mountain of monsters. The tale is of Akons time being held captive by Gaflok and it’s so descriptive you won't believe it continues page after page and that Akon even survives. Add some more feces, flys, worms, a urinating and some cannibalism and then your ready to turn the page for something even worse! After awhile you begin to feel sorry for Akon and forget that he is a greedy worthless being. I need not say more so your bedtime story won't be soiled.

It's a one of a kind! Buy it with a roll of toilet paper and read! Move over JK Rowling and JR Tolkein because here's Simon Snotface... and in the words of the Trailer Park supervisor Jim Layhee "There's a shit storm a brewing!"
-ricky JaK

Skull Skates PD's Hot Shop
Hey Christmasicists shoppers... I wanted to bring to your attention two items of interest that might be great for under your tree... The makers of Skull Skates relaesed a couple of items that would go good on those rainy and miserable days when you can't hit the skatepark.

First up is the "Skateboarding Vancouver" The Skull Skate collection at the Vancouver Museum book. This was a display of the history of skatebording and the collection of skateboard devices dateing back to 1900's. If you didn't get the chance to see this collection at the museum do yourself a favor and buy this book. Everytime i open this book I loose about half an hour. I just can't put the thing down. 200 pages of skateboards and skateboarding history. Steel wheelers, clay, 70's pool boards, bananas, GNC, Alva, Olson, tube socks, Sims, Dogtown, Head Honcho, Nelson Halfpipe, Seylynn, Ripping Squad, JaKs Team, Skull Skates history, punk band skateboards, Carlos Longo, Hosoi, Duane Peters, Zorlac, 90's skates, Kevin Harris, Rob Boyce, and Joosef Itekonen... then a little tase of snowboarding and skim plus more more more. Its an eyefull my friends! I just spent another half hour lookin. This baby is a must for your beer table and I actually think it is better than going to the museum and seeing it. The museum display ended in Aug of this year so this is the only way to see this incredible collection. There is more in the book than was at the museum anyway. So if you want to see some cool skate stuff hunt this book down.... If your old it will take you back and if your your young it will learn you. Get it! It's Canadas finest.

Next up is the "Wild in the Stream" dvd. Since the sixties kids have been sliding discs across the sandy beach, jumping on them and… skimboarding. Today skimboarding is a little more extreme then it was back then and to make it known Skull Skates, Slashco Distribution & Budda Lab Productions give us the "Wild In The Streams" DVD! Featuring skimboard footage from the Vancouver Spanish Banks and areas. Yes when those Van folks aren't carving the mountains or skateboarding some of the great parks they have they are skimmin the strange streams and way-out tides of the Vancouver waterfront. This DVD features footage by the Spanish Flyers Skim Club, The Kayotics crew, and the Breaknecks.... As usual with Skull Skates they dig up DJ KiLocee to mix in the soundtrack for all this skimboarding footage. No mainstream stuff here classic new wave, a taste of rippin metal, ska, reggae, casual music, and electronic beats that make you even hungrier to do what you are watching on the dvd. Kilocee blends music so decent that even if I was blind I would still sit in front of this DVD over and over again! The visual is a mix of flat carves slids and freestyle that makes this a nice show to have on the screen while your gearing up for the summer to come.

So make a list and check it twice.... but if you've been naughty like i'm sure most of yous have been just order these item up at www.skullskates.com. Santa never reads Absolue Underground so this might be your best bet! Support the best skate company in Canada and buy Skull Skates!

-ricky jak

Lucky bar Victoria friday 18 june 2004 ... The Shivs is one of my fave hardcore bands and another shivs show went down friday,... ahh yes this gig Blind Mark only fell down once.. he was just drinkin beer not gin... the stage was up high so i reconed he played it safe. Other Shiv shows Mark has performed with his fall down drunk singin that not too many other singers duplicate! The shivs also feature Dustin Jak on the skins,knuckles awt on Bass, and guitar grinder Beeve. And Contact Dustin and ask him to burn you the Live cambie CD. Bomb The Hippies and make me a Fuckin Sandwich!!! these songs rule. Next up was Marcus Jaks band -Dry Fisted-. Calgary sounds? Dry Fisted were mezmorizing driving bass riffs with blasts of breakneck speed. I can't compare them too anything... theys just fuckin good. I enjoyed them. It was good to see Markus Mo again. the days of the Shut-Down/Atrocities was so long ago. The STREETS are a Vancouver band that deserve cred. These dudes get on stage and convulse out the songs. they have been at it for awile and there CDs just make you want to go out and skate. It was a good show and half of the Vic Jaks division was present. Even old Simon Snotface showed to dance a few steps. Binjun Jak and i discussed the LA reunion but the reality of the distance and lack of $$$ is really startin to set in. We stood on the street in a sea of broken beer bottles and piss. I huged my old bros of Vic and mounted my longboard for a late night street carve that made me near get hit by a taxi. ABSOLUTE MUSIC -ricky JaK

Canaduh Day July 1st Kemos bar downtown San Francisco. An afternoon of skateing at the Chilli Bowl, interesting spot with some lines to be found. Of coarse Easyrider was pulling of some huge stuff. A young local who kinda looked like Ray Bones Rodreguez was shredding this park with style. Fat Chris wheeled in for a ride and hit the last transition to full impact on the adjacent wall… we were warned. You have to carve man carve. I saw what I though was a police and opened my mouth to have the lot o jaks quickly throwing their beers into the bush. The guy ended up not being the police but one of the locals with a fancy coat and official looking hat. Frito a pointed out that about 6-10 beers were wasted because of my bad call. This type of realization is torchure for drunks of my type! It was a fun little bowl otherwise. Filled up thee van and got ready for a fully loaded evening of Jak bands. The crazed line-up contained five bands, all containing at least one Jak. The opening band was the Bowel Tonnes.. Kik arse twangin insane drummin beats… surf n punk n rock-a-billy all in one. Great band see em if yous can. Next up was the Jak band from Luma ,Free Cowboy Hats, in a sea of punk hardcore bands this band has the edge because of the vocals of Crystal… it’s always refreshing to hear a girl belt it out! Next up was a band called FULD… this is when Easyrider started his evening of pain… the guitar player put his guitar down and layed Easy out. Fuld played their set to the finnish and the floor got ready for the next assault. All girls and all power… Chix Pack layed down a heavy set that left the dancefloor wet. Last up was the Jak-Uzi from Vancouver B.C…. one tough band… OH CANADA and Limes was sporting a Canadaian Jesters hat and Canadian Umbrella. It’s funny how their set started with Easy (again) laying flat out on the carpeted stage. Easy then sat up for some heaves and vomiting on the stage. Limes quickly wrestled with Easy and evicted him to the dancefloor where he was taken care of by a young lady…. Funny how back when I would drink like this I would just end up beat and bounced out in the street! Anyway Jak-uzi played their set to an abrupt finnish when Boom just came up on stage and started coiling up the mic cord. I did my job as roadie and loaded up Jak-uzi equiptment into the van. I noticed the streets were full of vomit splashes and amazingly big women who I was told were men. Ahhh San Fran.. Jaks spilled out onto the street and I stood and watched Limes stand in a pile of vomit. Even his colors were soaked in vomit from the stage. I recon the punks were just drinkin and pukin too much because it was Canada Day. Or maybe it was because they had to drink just American beer… There was no good Canadian beer to be had! -ricky JaK

FRIDAY 13, 2004 Lucky bar Victoria B.C.... Three All Campaign, Shivs, Gung-Ho's. Friday the 13th..... must have been the date because the dancefloor at the Lucky was realatively empty. Sad because the line up for this night consisted of two local punk/hardcore acts (Three All Campaign, Shivs) and a heavy act from Vancouver, (The Gung-Hos). Some power and energy was bolting off the stage on this very night. The first act, TAC, have played a few live shows but this was the first time i have expierenced this band on stage. My ears were hearing a unique mix of punk thrash.... and wait.... wasn't that a mezmorizing industrial song in the blend. One good thing to have in a punk band is a good front man , TAC has just that, although he's ugly this guy does some impressive jiggs and reels as he belts out his songs. TAC were fun band and i look forward seeing them live again. Next up was the sHIVS.... this band is pure in your face hardcore. Tonight they had the hockey masked Jason from Friday the 13th singing for them. I could tell by the slight drunken sway the guy behind the mask was Blind Mark. The first cord is struck and the blast of energy that comes from the stage is powerfull. I like hardcore and this band delivers it. The mask comes off and a few more Ginn and Tonics are poured down Marks throut and then another wave hits you. I mentioned to J Brown that we might want to make sure Mark doesn't fall off the stage, this stage is three feet off the ground. A few songs into the set the fake tin foil machette Mark has been swinging around comes apart to reveal it has a big kitchen knife inside it. Mark pleeds inoccent as the big knife was taken away from him. J Brown and i were both glad Mark didnt fall because we might have caught a knife in the head. Shivs.... a great band.... i love em. The Gung Ho's are a flat out rock band that need to be seen and heard by the general closed minded rock music fan. The Lucky bar just didn't draw the crowd this band deserves on this night of friday the 13th. These guys rock heavy and hard. Next time your putting together one of those great backwoods pit parties with the huge fuckin fire and 4X4 trucks everywhere you better get the Gung Ho's to play........ nuff said! -ricky JaK

Dayglos and Keg Killers Lucky Bar Oct 22 2004. "Back in the day".... i know alot of yous hate this saying butt.... There was two sides of the bridge here in Victoria. The deep Esquimalt, Colwood side and the main Victoria side. The deep Esq and Colwood side gave birth to two hard hitting black leather, booze partying heavy punk bands. One band was named House of Commons and the other was named the Dayglo Abortions. HOC moved to Vancouver in the eighties and their story can certainly be told as a rocky one. The Dayglos stayed in Vic and have continued playing to this day. These were the bands that when they played the dancefloor was dangerous. Jesus Bonehead even played nude back then. This story beggins a few weeks back, I received an e-mail from Screaming King Embo (guitarist for HOC). He said he was back in Colwood and the next time there was a good show to give him a call. Well it just so happens the Dayglos were playing Lucky bar and I figured it would be a great show to go to with the old Embo. At the show I introduced him to Jay Brown and we laughed at the memory of when we were 14- 15 years old we saw Embo’s HOC and the Dayglos playing all age shows. They were partly responsable for us turning out the way we did... HA Ha AHHH! Anyway the first band took to the stage playing some heavy stoner type punk with what i thought to be a touch of FEAR sound at times. Forgive me i just can't remember thier name. Next up was the Keg Killers.... AHHH Yes, fronted by another old man ,Dust Jak, they belted out a handfull of hits about BlowJobs and Smokes. I always enjoy seeing this band and they serve up some fine in your face punk! The Dayglos were missing their front man Gymbo Jak so it was a three piece just like it had been "Back in the Day" Murray, Willie Jak, and Jesus. You know they still shake the place down.... They have a formula that makes the crowd slam hard and everybody sings along. You just don't get this in alot of bands these days... I don't know if it's the right words but DGA have a big fistfull of hits. Catchy songs that have entertained and anoyed people for years.... sure they are punk but i think they execute a true form of Rock and Roll. Murrays guitar and vocals boom out making me feel like i'm at home in this town. More sing alongs and human dancefloor mayhem…. the show ends with three encores and they still play on as the house lights are turned on. DAYGLOS YES!!!! Screaming King Embo and I leave the Lucky for the streets of Vic…. We calmly walk down the street feelin good from the evening of live music. Tonight we won’t be beaten or chased by mack jacket rockers, we won’t be going to Head street for some insane after Dayglo party and we aren’t going to wake up in the drunk tank, but 20 years ago???. WOW it was over twenty years ago that Jay Brown and I started going to punk shows…….. Thanks Murray, Brian and King Embo for still bein around. -ricky JaK

I was hungerin for an evening of live barroom muzik so this was the show! Wether you like tapin your toe, watchin women dirty dance by the bar (Mr.Beers is my witness) or stompin your boot this show had the mix. Beaumonts are a band to keep your eye&ear on. They have been around for a few years and i noticed a few line-up changes tonight. But what i heard was dang good Punk Rock..... its not your noisey bubblegum shopping mall punk it's the real rockin punk rock. Willy Jak has now taken to the mic for this band and he stinks.... but his vocals ripped! They even played a Devo cover. I will be checkin this band out again. Any recordings coming up? The Bug House 5.... why are they called the Bughouse five if there's only four of them tonight? Ifn yous like your rock-a-billy with a little Iggy this is the band. They swing, they sway and they rock... this is when Mr. Beers and i noticed the women dirty dancin by the bar.... there should be a law... i closed my eyes and walked away. Yeah there should have been more dancin on the dancefloor! The Bug house 5 are a great band and certainly worth seeing. The tattooed rocker crew of Rod Island Haulers took to the stage... Rod Iron Inhailers. Rod IRoN HaULerS! These guys look scarey and from the first cord they blow the tailgate right off your truck! They're running straight pipes so if yous like your rock loud and fast this is the band for you. They should have been at the logging road pit fire parties i used to go to in Sooke when i was a kid. Wash the grease off your hands and check em out! -ricky JaK

The Shivs, Keg Killers, Jak Uzi, Excessives, and Dry Fisted. Saturday night Sept 11, 2005 Brickyard: I had never been to the Brickyard so I started my travel into deep gastown area of Vancouver. The alleys of the city were a scurry with people dealin and workin their angles of survival. Across the street of these desperate dirty alleys were line-ups of rich people dressed to the nines waiting to get into some trendy nightclubs. My little hometown only has small pockets of this so to see it on a larger scale was interesting for my eyes. I skipped into a corner store and grabbed a bag of chips. I stood on the street and ate my chips as a lifeless woman came up to me and apologized that she hadn't been home to put any makeup on but did I want anything. I smiled and said I was fine with just my chips. We the people... eh? A block up the street I saw what I thought was a JAk'.... it was a Jak and I wondered in that direction. The Jak had disappeared into the club and I knew I had made my destination... the Brickyard. The big doorman looked at me and told me the cover was five bucks.... Just then a guy in a car on the side of the road yelled “Jaks dont pay cover.”. Holy Crap, it was the drummer from KISS yellin at the doorman. I yelled back at the drummer "Thanks!" then walked right into the Brickyard like I owned the place....and no one even noticed. I wonder if Jaks pay cover on normal shows?? The Shivs were on stage and played two songs, then Blind Mark Mo said good night. I thought I had missed the Shivs set to find out it was only their sound check... I had a feeling it was only their sound check because Mark Mo didn't have a Gin and tonic in his hand. This was another high stage venue so blind Mark Mo would have to be careful with the fall down drunk antics. The bar slowly filled up with faces I had not seen in awhile… oddly enough a large number of Victorians came out of the alleys and expensive nightclubs for this show. I strolled up to the bar and bought myself a drink and a drink for Jamie Jak. Gossip gossip gossip… Jamie informed me that after several years of tour with the Real McKenzies he has broken ties with this band and is now taking time to relax and work on his acoustic solo album. More farmiliar faces showed and then the Shivs took to the stage. AHHH the sHIvS!!!! Yes they kick and I never bore of this band. This live show must have had a few new numbers added to the set. I noticed the hardcore slowed down a notch at times for a smoken mix that Blind Mark Mo executed without even stopping for a throat lozenge. They left the stage with a few more fans on this night I’m sure! The Keg Killers entered the ring with a retro old school punk/ slight British oi set. Lead singer, Shad Jak, contorted and swaggered around the stage with the resemblance of a stooge. Usually this singer hits himself in the head with the mic so hard that blood dribbles out. I recon the forehead has been callused good and solid from this practice making it harder to draw blood. Look out Gene Kininski! Yes another great band from the small alleys of Victoria. As fast as the Keg Killers left the stage the Jak Uzi took to it to continue the powerful assault of the attack. I had the fortune to see Jak Uzi several times this year…. Come to think of it I was their roadie on their west coast tour this summer. Jak Uzi are another rippin band that have real in your face punk sound with authentic British vocals. Rumor has it the drummer “Dustin Jak” will be leaving the band… will this be the end of Jak Uzi?? I guess we’ll have to wait and see what will happen to these lads in the future! Now someone sounded an alarm and the next band came in hard and heavy. The Excessives really do have a following in this city of Van. The dance floor filled to the nuts with supporters and rightfully so. A combo of Doug Donut on guitar with the ever incredible legendary drumming of Jono Jak combined with the punchin bag vocals of Limes, who could say NO to this hit of dope! People danced and sang along to the Excessives proving they had what it took to conquer the masses! Punk Gods yes. The evening closed with Dry Fisted who drove their tank all the way from cowtown to play. Dry Fisted have a unique sound that can’t quite be described but can defiantly be labeled as GOOOOOD. At moments of rhythm the transition changes into spaztic hardcore skank. I left forgetting to buy their CD but am going to hunt it down. The show ended and I stood and waited for Fat Chris to do his acoustic set…. The poster for the show gave me the impression this was going to happen, or maybe that was just a fake lure to get us in the door.. I left the show saying my good-byes and was feeling a little sick from too much Coke. This was yet another ABSOLUTE MUSIC evening full of JaKs having a damb fun time! Back in the street the scene was the same as when I entered the Brick Yard. I jumped into a cab and listened to the drivers wicked Hindu music all the way back to East Van. In closing I would like to say I missed the Vans warped tour again this year but at least I had the fortune to be present at this Brickyard Jak show… the bands that played on this night were just like the Coke I was drinking… “The Real Thing!”… Unlike the bands that played the Warped tour this year. -rickylong jak Note: people’s names were changed to protect the innocent.