Jaks Team 20th annual sk8 comp.

Every second Saturday in September for the last twenty years the Vancouver div of the Jaks puts on a skate comp. This competition is nothing like Slam City Jam and the winners don't qualify for the DC shoes finals. This contest is for real skateboarders of the East Van variety.... even a few snotnose Vic West kids showed up. These are real skateboarders’ not fancy kids! The city has proposed a reconstruction of this China Creek skatepark so there is a chance this will be the last in this historic and oldest Canadian skatepark. The park contains a tea cup shaped copingless bowl and a lumpy bathtub type bowl with a handfull of homemade rails and a sliver infested wooden halfpipe.

I imagine as the sun was rising Simon Snotface left the tent he was sleeping in and smelled the full garbage can sitting right beside the park because it smelled better than his colors. This was going to a good day and even thought the day was a day of memorial for a lost Jak friend, TA, this skatepark would soon be filled with the majority of the Vancouver and Victoria Jaks Team. I arrived about 11:00 with my vanload of kids including Dustin Jak as well as a cooler full of pop, two loafs of bread and a jar of peanut butter and jam. We hung around as the kids started to show up and skate around this lumpy old park. High noon Doug Donut showed up and though it would be fun to dive onto Simons tent causing Simon to kick into beat up mode, for a moment I thought I should remove my kids from this park while this act of violence was going to take place. Simon moments later hugged Donut and I think later Donut went and changed his diaper. No, wait it's Beaverhead who wears the dipes. Anyway more kids and more people start to show and in Jak fashion the comp slowly gets put together. A table is found and some sound system is put into place. The prizes are laid out.... Here's where we would like to thank: PD's Hot Shop, Push Skateboard Shop, Pacific Boarder, Four Star Dist, Tree of Life, Bloodstone Press, Lonsdale Skate Company, Absolute Skateboards, Ole Nicks Emporium, Coastline, HTO, Pair o Dice Tattoos, Urge Tattoos, Sitka Surfboards, Champions of Hell, and last but not least The Hoosegow & AWT. It’s amazing how when all the little people contribute it turns out to be an amazing prize table of swag… then to top it all off Sluttie slips in a box of Trophies for the top three in each category. Make sure you support the above companies!

Now the organization of the comp always seems to fall into place. The kids line up and give out their names for beginners, intermediate, advanced and girls. The park is an insane anthill of wheels flying in and out of the bowls and every once and awhile a near collision that makes the spectators cringe. This is also a big part of the comp is the mass socialization on the out skirts of the park. Old and new friends get together for a drink or one of Slutties fine hot dogs. The park ranger shows up and politely walks around asking people to make it so he can’t see the open alcohol they are drinking. No cops this year and best of all no ambulances! This contest is back to basic… no permits, no St Johns ambulance attendants, no liquor license….. Just Jaks, local folks, punks, China Creek Maniacs kids skateboarding and good times!

Old MC bearded Ferris JaK takes the mic and belts out a few orders on how the contest is done….. Respect for each skaters run, you have a set amount of time to trick the park and when the music is off yous done. The judges take their place and the first category takes the park. The microphones are then handed over to the young MC Lill Buddy JaK and another mic is in the possession of our San Francisco guest Timmy JaK. These two clowns belt out the contest like a couple of wrestling ring announcers, bantering back and forth about the sick trick that was just displayed or the fine hairstyle of the skater. Then when the music was good Lill Buddy would dance and get the crowd clapping. Of coarse the most of the music played for the skaters was punk… although some classic hop was mixed in.

The beginner’s category is always my favorite with tiny nosepickers ollieing and flipping in and out of the bowls. These dudes are what will keep the spirit of skateing alive and prizes should be handed out to each one in this category. The next round is intermediate and again the teen skate aggression is shown with just a little more skill with some big airs, precise railslides, and kick flippin. This year’s comp had a female section and I was quite surprised at the number of girls that entered! Young and old girls carve and display the same but a somewhat more elegant style of riding the park. The advanced category as usual is doubled up to try to finish up the comp at a reasonable time. The advanced gets down to the hardest and fastest skaters and lots of bowl antics are displayed. The comp comes to an end and now the judges who are still somewhat coherent tally up their scores. (Timmy helps the judges make a decision San Fran Style) The trophies are handed out and the swag is divided up to all the skaters. Then it boils down to the ever popular bowl toss. The bowl is filled with kids and the last bit of swag is tossed in. The violence reaches epic proportions in the bowl as a handful of stickers fall in like rain. Then founding JaK member, Sporty, holds up his old vest o colors as yells out to the crowd that “he who gets this vest shall be a JaK..” It was a tug and rip fest and I honestly thought there would be just shreds of the vest left. Then out of the bowl walked a shakey greasey drunk skater who was now known as Dols Jak. He was welcomed and then the comp was over. A good clean-up was then done and that garbage can that Simon smelled earlier was now overflowing and then some with trash even Simons tent was destroyed and in there. It was another great day, no rain and no injuries. Just the odd kid and adult walking around with a Jiffy Marker mustache or beard!

Epilog: Later that evening those that survived, attended an evening of Absolute Music in the deep Vancouver streets at the Asbalt. The line up was Friday Night Murder who have now taken the top position on the Hardcore band to see list! They ripped and make sure you bring the sing a pack of throat lozenges when you see em. Next up was Dustin JaKs band the Keg Killers, my wifes favorite punk band and I never bore of seeing this band. Finishing up the night was Shadley Jak, Jono Jak, Jamie Jak and a savior sit in drummer that allowed the Excessives to play the night through. Somehow Doug Donut, the real drummer, hurt his arm in a bizarre masturbating accident just before the show so he couldn’t drum… or so Blind Marc thinks. The Blind JaK says he could hear a lot of swearing and throwing stuff around followed by some heavy grunting… so who knows what Donut was doin.

I was sitting on the pool table and Dave Dols Jak comes up and offers to buy me a beer. I tell him it’s ok, I don’t drink beer. He comes back with a beer and I tell him again I don’t drink beer. He looks at me strange and says “If you don’t drink beer. What do you do?”
I reply “I chew tobacco.” Then I pull my tin out of my pocket and offer him a dip. He looks at me strange again and then takes a pinch and puts it in his mouth. I recon he has never chewed tobacco before and his face contorts with a slight look of shock and indecision on what to do. He spits a little bit out on the floor then starts shaking his head at me, he is about to tell me something and his face makes an even wilder look and then a perfect column of projectile vomit hits the carpet of the bar. He shakes his head at me again and then leaves with out saying a word…. Welcome to the Team.

-ricky JaK